OMG BEX!

…and what have we done?- John Lennon, duh

This is the view from my mom’s back porch right now. As much as I hate being cold, thinking about my family all bundled up in their pajamas tomorrow morning opening presents makes me homesick. I love the holidays here though, too…we had a potluck last night at our house…it made me realize I know a bunch of amazing people here and they all happen to be amazing cooks. Jer and I have a big beautiful tree and we even put up lights! Anyway…I hope wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, the holidays feel like home for you, even if there’s another home you’re missing. <3

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Today is Elizabeth’s birthday. It’s the 23rd and now she is 23. She gets a blog entry because I got one of hers on my birthday and because she is one of my best friends in the world and has been since we were 8 and I complimented her fishtail braid. She picked a cute picture for her blog, but I had to use this one where we were all sloppy drunk on New Years (hers was from the same night but I think earlier in the night) because unfortunately I don’t have digital versions of all the amazing pictures of us through the years. I love you, Elizabeth! <3

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that you don’t have the balls to be a queer? – Screeching Weasel

So I’ve been reading a lot about queer theory in one of my classes so I’ve been thinking about sexual preference a lot lately. Today on facebook I saw an acquaintance’s status: “_____ is a straight ally. There are 9 days until National Coming Out Day and I pledge to have heartfelt conversations for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality” and it made me think…why do people have to specify that they’re a “straight ally” in situations like this?

I hear it all the time, “now I’m not gay but I don’t have anything against it.” I have a sticker on my guitar case that I got in highschool: “I’m straight but not narrow.” Even as a questioning teenager who was outspoken about progressive political issues, I didn’t want people to think that I was a lesbian. Why do people do this? Why are people afraid, if they’re supportive of gay equality, that someone (oh no!) might think that they are gay themselves?

When I went to donate my own facebook status to National Coming Out Day, it gave me the option to list myself as straight, gay, bisexual, or to leave it blank. I think people are afraid that even leaving it blank will imply you are gay. Why else would anyone leave it blank, the thinking goes. If you’re straight, what do you have to hide?

So if you’re a straight ally, I’m challenging you to not only speak out but also to leave the “straight” part out next time you have a conversation about sexuality. Let people wonder. Remember that some of the people you’re standing up for can’t ensure others that they’re straight without denying a part of who they are.

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I’m working in a middle school after school program. The kids are 11-14ish, so it’s a pretty entertaining age. I realized that at my last job, even when it was kind of good, it was mostly still pretty boring, but at this one, even when it’s annoying, it’s mostly still pretty amusing. I’m actually doing stuff most of the time and I get to interact with my coworkers and the kids the whole time.  Here are some highlights from my first two and a halfish weeks:

I’ve probably already told most of you about this but on one of my first days there, if not the first day I was there, a little girl told me, “You remind me of Lucy, you know from I Love Lucy. But she’s pretty.”  Wow.  She continued, “Don’t get me wrong, you’re not ugly,” but still.

Another girl told me, “When I look at you, you seem girly, but when I talk to you, you seem punk.”

A boy came up to me and said, “Blink 182. Good band, huh?” I told him, “Yeah, I like them.” I then realized I went to a Blink 182 concert when he was two years old.Yesterday that same kid asked me what I do on the weekends.

Last week, a girl was in the bathroom for like 20 minutes and my coworker asked if she was ok. She replied that her stomach hurt and the other kids kind of smirked. Everyone went outside except a few kids still working on homework who I stayed in with to supervise. The girl was still in the bathroom another 20 minutes later so I asked if she wanted me to call her parents, but she said no. Finally she came out. With a stuffed horse. That was sopping wet. She then proceeded to use every paper towel in the women’s restroom to try to dry it off. Just to reiterate…this girl was fine with her classmates all thinking she had terrible diarrhea while in reality she was giving her stuffed pony a 45 minute bath in a sink.

So yeah, I’m enjoying it so far. The kids go through cycles of thinking I’m awesome and thinking I’m mean, but I think they like me overall, and overall, despite being bratty sometimes, they’re good kids.

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I uploaded some pictures to clear off the memory card to make room for Japan pictures (!) and these were on there.

This material was my grandma’s. The sewing is realllly messy, but oh well. I didn’t know how to do the trim stuff but I have a littttle better idea now.

This material is from my friend Lauren who moved and had fabric to get rid of. It was super easy to make and I like it a lot.

That’s all for right now!

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…I can sing it honestly. -Ghost Mice

While I could definitely write a lot about how punk has changed my life for the better, this blog entry is more about Plan-It-X. More specifically this blog entry is about Sam, of the “in Sam we trust” at the bottom of that logo.

I never met Sam. I never talked to her. Like a lot of other people right now, I never wrote her a letter that I probably should have.

I completely believe in the power of music to change lives. A lot of PIX bands have had profound impacts on mine. I’ve had really intense emotional reactions the first time (and sometimes subsequent times!) that I listened to some songs. So many PIX songs feel like they really speak to me, really get at a place inside of me. They take feelings that I might not necessarily have had words for…sometimes feelings that feel like they make up the person that I am…and turn them into something I can hear and sing. And so many PIX songs I found at times when I needed them.

But apart from that…apart from the “this music changed my life, maaaan”…this music really changed my life.

Because of PIX and the PIX Board I have a group of friends (yep, even a lot of the people I haven’t met in real life I consider friends) that I am in contact with close to every day. I am comfortable on the board. People know me there. I know them.

And so many real life friends too. Some of my best friends.

And where I live.

And Jer, who I love so much, who I laugh with every day.

Every day, when I am thankful for who I am and where I live and for all of the love and friendship in my life…I am thankful, though not as consciously as today, to Sam. I hope she knew how many people are.

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…twist and shout.-  The Beatles

I sang karaoke to that song on Thursday night with about 15 other people. We also did My Girl, Too Close by Next (”Baby, when we’re grinding….I get so excited” in case you’d forgotten like I had), and some others. Ridiculous.

I was at the End of the Year Gathering for the Chavez Clubs. All the people with my job across the state plus people from the granting organizations met at the National Chavez Center in Keene, a tiny town in Central California to wrap up the year and talk about options for sustainability now that the state has cut its funding.

It was sooo good. First of all, I always  love getting to hang out with that group of people. Everyone is so cool…really good people doing good work. And they’re fun!

This gathering was especially great though, because it shed a new light on my whole year. I was at a table with YSCal’s executive director on the first day. When we discussed the program’s strengths and weaknesses, I was honest. I said that it’s really difficult and frustrating to try to implement the program by working through a school district. He said that he’s been dealing with that frustration for 20 years and it’s not getting any better…that if anything, it’s getting worse. He said that at first the idea was to do the clubs through community based organizations but that then they thought going through the schools might be better but that through talking with us it seems like that isn’t working as well as they’d hoped.

It was so nice to know that this whole year I haven’t been doing something wrong, but that even the executive director has struggled with it for the past 20 years, that it’s part of this kind of work. And it was amazing to feel like my input was really being listened to in the conversations…that what I was saying about my year in this job is important and that people are really considering it when they’re thinking about where the program is going.

The Chavez Center is awesome. It’s on the property where Chavez lived. His office is preserved and you can look at it through some glass. I liked seeing his huge bookshelves full of books on marketing, Mexico, Gandhi, everything. I love big bookshelves. There’s a memorial garden where Chavez is buried and the sunshine made the roses and the fountain there look so beautiful. Having the gathering there made the work we’re doing now feel so connected to history. We even got United Farm Workers patches as recognition for the year.

And karaoke was so fun! I had never done it except at a middle school dance with a bunch of people, but it wasn’t bad at all! Whenever some of us went up, everyone else went up and danced and sang too, so it didn’t even feel like you were just singing in front of people. I was kind of drunk, so I’m sure that helped too. One of the other VISTAs, Laurel, and I did interepretive dance that everyone seemed to enjoy.  The man running the karaoke told us we were all “a blast.” After, I just stayed in Laurel and Riana’s room and we talked for a while before passing out.

The next day before our meetings started, the director of the Chavez Programs did “acknowledgments” and the first one was me and Laurel for our dancing. He told us he really needed that night– that after all the crap with the state funding and everything else that it was really important to him. I agree… the whole thing was cathartic almost- the meetings, seeing the center, the karaoke, the sleepover after with Riana and Laurel. It was such a good time!

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…I’m never lonesome when I’m by myself. -Modest Mouse

Jer and I went to West Virginia May 13-18 for the Strawberry Festival. I had a really good time and it was so cool to get to show him around. I LIVE in the place where he can say, “That’s where I went to high school” or “Oh, my friends and I did THIS there” so it was really nice to get to show him things like that. And he was patient with it…I was worried it would be boring for him, but he listened and looked intently. He’s a good boyfriend.

I miss West Virginia the most when I’m there. It’s easier to dismiss it when I’m not there, because it’s not where I want to live, but that doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful, that it’s not wonderful, or that I don’t love it there, and I remember those things when I’m there.

It is so, so beautiful. This, for example:

Holy shit, look at it!

And it’s so crazy how connected people in the town are…how small it is. That walking down the street, in the bank, at bars, I saw people I knew from school, from theater, from dance, from band…all over. The teller at the bank I went into with my grandma asked if I was her granddaughter and said she remembers when I came in as a little girl. She knew me by my last name (which is not the same as my grandma’s). It’s nice. To have that to go back to. To not have to live there, but to know that I could be away for years and still come back and have people know my name.

And I miss my grandma when I’m around her. I don’t want to think about her being old. I was sitting at the kitchen table, talking to her, and looking at her, and for a second, I saw it as a memory, almost…the way I would look at it as a memory, and I got sad. I love her so much.

On a happier note, it was really great to see her, to show Jer around, like I said, and to hang out with a bunch of people. Here are some more pictures for your enjoyment:

Drew (in the background) was sober here, which I think makes this funny.

We only got to hang out with my mom for a few hours, but it was nice.

We’re both wearing our Ducks shirts here, haha.

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Small world stories:

I had two in Europe. I was in Amsterdam coming out of the Sex Museum by myself and I heard someone say, “Becca?” It was my friend Mike and his girlfriend at the time. Not only were they in Amsterdam at the same time, but we were in the same place in Amsterdam at the same time. Weird.

Mike was saying maybe it’s not that weird…because if you think about all the tons of people you see every day who you DON’T know, it makes sense statistically that you’d run into ones you do sometimes. That makes sense, but I still think it’s pretty weird.

The weirder one was in Prague. I was at a Bush protest and I told a guy I liked his tattoos. We talked for a little bit but the police ended up coming, everyone was running, etc., and we didn’t say bye.

A couple weeks later I was in a little shop and I saw these really cool hand-stenciled journals. I decided if I still had some money when I was about to leave Prague, I’d buy myself one.

I was about to leave Prague and I had some money so I bought one. There was a myspace url in the back of the person who made them, so I went to the myspace and sent a message that said something like, “Hi. I just bought one of your journals. I think it’s beautiful and I really love it. Thanks! Becca.” The message I got back was, “Is this the Becca I met?” It was the guy from the protest!

But it gets crazier!!

I was telling my friend Lyle this story and showed him the myspace so he could see the journals. He was looking at the guy’s pictures and was like, “uh…holy shit…he’s friends with my friends from Amsterdam.” The guy I randomly met twice from Prague was friends with my friend from North Carolina’s friends from Amsterdam. Wtf.

That one’s probably the most mind blowing, but I’ve had two small world stories in the past week.

My friend Bryan tagged me in a note on facebook about his art and I commented. Around the same time, a new person joined the plan-it-x message board. I got an e-mail a couple days later saying that someone else had commented on Bryan’s note and he had the same name as the new pix board person. It was him! It turns out this person who lives in Connecticut now knows a bunch of my West Virginia friends and I happened to run into him in two parts of the internet at once!

Then a couple days ago, someone from the PIX board posted a link to my friend Anthony, from WV’s last.fm. Turns out they both post on a different board. Ahhh!

So I don’t know. Maybe Mike’s right and you have so many encounters with people that AREN’T “omg, weeeeird small world” encounters that it makes sense that sometimes you would have the weird ones. I think it’s narrowed a lot, though, by the scenes/ stuff I’m into. It makes a lot more sense that there would be random connections between people who are into stenciled journals, protests, punk message boards, etc., than it would if I were into more mainstream stuff. Do most people have a bunch of stories like this?

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I got a sewing machine. I made these little wallets and then I tried a skirt. I didn’t use a pattern– I got ideas from different how-tos online. The kitties were pretty suspicious when I laid out the fabric.

Then they liked it.

The skirt turned out cute and I wore it yesterday.

I also made a tote bag.

Those are little pockets at the top.

It’s fun! I like figuring stuff out and making stuff I can actually wear/use.

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