hijinx blog

Occasionally, I consciously do things which knowingly make me an asshole.

On Saturday, Bex and I joined a wine club. Surprisingly, they didn’t mention whether the club would be automatically registering me in the Republican Party or if I was expected to do that on my own. I do, however, suddenly feel very strongly about all those taxes I’m paying and probably have an opinion or two about the illegals.

Figure 1 - Look at these fucking assholes

Wine definitely has a certain snob culture surrounding it, and maybe that’s part of the appeal. Which is unfortunate, but it does give me a great idea for a ridiculous site feature that I almost already regret – DRUNKEN WINE REVIEWS.

Intrigued? I  bet. Read on.

Figure 2 - Look at this fucking asshole.

Typically wine reviews are undertaken by snooty assholes (see figure 1) talking about aroma and tannins as they drink $400 bottles of wine. However, imagine a drunken asshole (please turn your attention to figure 2) discussing how that last $3.99 bottle of wine purchased from 7-11 tasted like a bucket of ass had been poured into grape Kool-Aid, and the resulting mixture attempted to rape his throathole as he reluctantly swallowed.

Now imagine him trying to type that last sentence while severely intoxicated.

If that’s not good website material, I don’t know what is. I’ll work out the details (i.e. convince Becca that this is, indeed, a good idea) and get to work on banging out some reviews in the near future.